Grief

You wake up and start brewing your coffee. Or maybe check your emails. Or both. And then the phone call comes.The dreaded one. The one that separates your life into before and after.  I received that phone call late in September early on a Friday morning. My son, who lives in Denver, called to say that his wife had suffered a seizure in the early morning hours and an ambulance had transferred her to the hospital. He had dropped their 4 month old baby off with friends at 4:30 am and headed to the hospital. He would update us with any news. 

When he finally called back in the late afternoon he updated us with the results of her CT scan - a blood clot on the brain. They were giving her blood thinners to reduce and eradicate the clot along with pain relief and that should do the trick. The relief in his voice was palpable as was ours. Whew.  Again, he would keep us updated.

But things started spiraling out of control and severe pain led to another scan, scheduled surgery to remove the clot and a life flight to the Colorado Stroke Center. Surgery was attempted and the clot could not be removed. It was a Catch 22 - the blood thinners that were to help minimize the clot were causing brain bleeds and then swelling. After the surgery the doctors told our son that there had been a perfect cocktail - childbirth, going back on birth control pills and elevation - that caused the clot and instead of the blood thinners helping, they actually hindered. Unfortunately, our beautiful Alyshia passed away the next Wednesday, leaving behind her loving husband and a 4 month old son who was the light of her life.

The outpouring of support has been incredible. We've received prayers from all over, food, gift cards for food, friends started a Go Fund Me for medical bills, offers to use miles to fly people in for her Celebration of Life in Colorado - every single one of our son's groomsmen dropped everything and flew in to support him - diapers, wipes, baby clothes and some of his co workers donated their vacation time for him, which I find amazing. We have found out that there are many kind and good people in this world.

Everyone grieves in different ways - the feelings aren't linear. They tend to come and go in waves. Most of the time I feel as if I"m in a nightmare I can't wake up from. It still seems unreal and my mind can't quite process it. And I think the most difficult part is that everyone else's life is going on but yours is stuck in the pain. How can people actually be making plans and talking about what's going on with them? Don't they know what's happened? 

For me, I'm dealing with it by taking care of our grandson and doing the "dailies" - cleaning, cooking and tending those things that have to be done. I will say, without a doubt, that this is the hardest thing I've ever been through.

Mr Ur and I had already planned to move to Colorado by next summer to be near our grandson. Now that timeline has just been amped up - I am staying with our son indefinitely and taking care of the baby - my son works 5am to 5pm Monday through Thursday so day care is not only hard to find at those hours but way too long of days for an infant and expensive on one income. And Mr. UR will be retiring at the end of the year and he will be joining me while we feel out the rest of the plan.

I still have plenty of travel content to highlight on this blog, but I'm not sure how much time I will find to write. Or how much traveling I'll be doing. I'd love to keep it going and for all of you to stop by to read about past trips. How all of this will look remains to be seen.

As for now, hug your loved ones. Tell them how you feel. And don't waste a single minute. Though of anyone I know, Alyshia lived life to the fullest. She didn't waste any time. I hope you don't either.